Monday, August 11, 2014

Robin Williams (July 21, 1951 - August 11, 2014)

I just heard the news of Robin Williams death, and I am deeply saddened. I grew up watching Robin on Mork and Mindy, a TV series that first aired in 1978 and ran up through the 80's! Robin was fantastic, very very funny. He went on to be in so many other popular TV series, and major motion pictures ... too many to list here. Pretty much everything he did was amazing. He was absolutely brilliant, yet he struggled with his own inner demons.

The reports I read said that Robin suffered with severe depression, and that also makes me very sad. He was a man who brought joy to so many, and yet he was unable to bring that joy home to himself. Heartbreaking!

Though I did not know him personally, I will miss what I did know of him; his acting, and his comedic gift.

R.I.P. Robin, you will be missed!

Friday, August 1, 2014

Parenting is Easy, Not!

I used to have all the answers on parenting (long pause with some coughing ....) before I had teenagers! (Laugh) And parents who think they do have all the answers are ... well ... I can't really verbalize it, so I shall hold my tongue. Let's just say they need some Jesus!

Yes I am confident in the effectiveness of certain parental principles, and believe in and trust fully in the famous parenting scripture found in Proverbs 22:6 which says, "Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it." I like how the New Living Translation reads: "Direct your children onto the right path, and when they are older, they will not leave it."

What I do know, and what brings me peace is just that; knowing that all the training I am doing isn't in vain, even if it seems like it is now. Eventually (when they are older) it will take root and grow and produce and become something beautiful. I suppose it's like last year when I planted some sunflower seeds and I went out nearly everyday to see what was happening - nothing, until finally I stopped looking and forgot I had even planted them. Until one day, seemed like overnight there were huge Sunflowers growing in my backyard, like as big as my head! Amazing! They were so cool and so beautiful.The Sunflowers were a sign from God that what I'm planting will eventually grow into something beautiful ... just keep planting, keep believing, keep watering and keep praying ... and don't lose heart!


Things That Surprised Me About Parenting:


1) How different and unique each child is.

This was surprising because I thought and expected both my children to be just like me and Jana, and in some ways they are, but in other ways they are like Martians from outer space. Sometimes little demon martians (laugh).

Our kids look like us physically, for the most part, and some of their personality traits are the same, but then there are other traits that I keep asking myself, "where in the hell did they get that @#$%&! attitude?" That's when I assume they are taking after the Grandparents, on Jana's side of the family! (laugh)

I personally believe that it is our job, as parents, to allow our kids to be unique and not try to get them to conform into whatever image I or society has for them. When I see parents do crazy power-play stuff to get their child to be like them it makes me sad. I've heard of parents holding the inheritance hostage if their child doesn't vote the same political party as them. That is crazy, like totally off-the-charts-nut-job-belong-in-an-institution-crazy, and not to mention controlling. That would be like me, as a Christian, saying to my kids, "If you are not going to be a Christian, then I am not putting you in my will." That would be some twisted whacked-out stuff! Yes, of course I hope and pray they will love Jesus and follow His teachings as I am attempting to do, but if not I still love them.

Side Note: All you get when you try to control a child with power-plays is a to-your-face compliance. You are forcing them to be fake and comply to your face, then behind your back they do whatever they wish. Parents who try and do that only show their lack of intelligence and overall lack of influence and frankly a lack of love.

2) You Can't Make Kids Do Anything.

Now, when they are small you can, without too much trouble, but as they get older it can be a bit more challenging. There may be some parent reading this, whose children were compliant, thinking, "my kids  did what I wanted and were easy." Lucky you! Most likely not a reflection of your awesome parenting skills, though they may have been awesome. Not all parents are so lucky. Though, in my opinion there are some benefits in a child being strong headed, most likely they will be a strong leader and change the world! (Of course, if they apply those traits for good!)

Someone might be thinking, "Yes you can make your child do stuff ... you can ground them, take away privileges, etc. until they comply." And this is sometimes true, but we've all seen children of parents who are hardcore military and yet the child still does what they want to do behind their parents back. You simply can not make them do what you want them to do. You can ask, guide, teach, train, encourage, and even discipline but you can't make. And trust me, I so wish you could!

3) A Child's Behavior is not Always a Reflection of Their Parent's Parenting. 

I say this because I have counseled many wonderful but distraught parents who are just beside themselves with guilt and feelings of failure because their children are making poor choices.  Come on don't you remember the poor choices we made as kids? And even if you were a perfect little kid that doesn't then magically transfer to your kids, wish it did, but it doesn't.

4) You Can't Change a Child.

They can only change themselves. Along with the help of parents, peers and of course God, but even God can not change someone if they do not want to change or allow God to change them. It starts with them wanting to change, then allowing others in to help, then there is hope.

5) I Thought All We Needed Was Love.

This has been the biggest surprise to me honestly. If I just raised my kids in a loving caring Christian home they would just be perfect little saints. Now trust me, I think LOVE is huge and is the best environment to raise a child in, but it doesn't make them perfect. Again, I think this loving home environment will eventually be appreciated in the lives of our children, but now it seems it is taken for granted many times. Right is right no matter the outcome.

6) Children Must Find Their Own Way.

I was always hopeful that my kids would just learn from my lessons learned as a teenager and take my word for why they shouldn't do certain things. I mean why make the same mistakes I made, right?  Ha ha! They must learn on their own, and we as parents must be there to help wipe away the tears, pick up the pieces and give big hugs.


DON'T GET THE WRONG IDEA: 

Q: So Timmy, are you saying it doesn't matter how we parent, and that our kids are just going to turnout however they are going to turn out and we as parents play no role?

A: No! We as parents play a huge role in our kid's lives! Just remember not to go crazy if and when your kids do go a little crazy. Don't allow yourself to be riddled with guilt, shame and feelings of failure. You are most likely a wonderful parent, doing a wonderful job and your kids behavior is no reflection on your parenting, but rather a reflection of a unique individual trying to find themselves, just be there for them.


BOTTOM LINE:

Hang in there, Parenting isn't easy, it's tough and at times heartbreaking. Put your faith in God, not any particular behavior you wish for your kids, and you will be okay, and your kids will turn out okay in the end, if not sooner.





Wednesday, July 30, 2014

Enamored for Life

Photo by Pedro Ignacio Guridi

I was thinking today how important it is for a couple to never lose the "awe" that initially attracted them to each other. If you lose that, you are losing something that is important to the life and longevity of the relationship. 

I think even after years of marriage we should still be enamored by our partner, even impressed by them and with them. That feeling of "wow, he/she is mine" should only grow stronger and deeper with time. I truly believe the moment that ends is the day the relationship begins to die.


How do you create an enamored culture in your relationship?

An enamored culture starts with cultivating an environment where that "loving feeling" flows and grows freely in your thoughts, words and actions.

1) Remove negative thoughts about your partner.

Like with most things in life, it starts with a thought. Then that thought leads to what we say, believe and eventually do. So it's extremely important to think good thoughts about your partner. Of course if there are real issues, then those need to be addressed and resolved.

2) Speak positive words to your partner and about your partner.

I've never liked or agreed with people who speak badly about their partner with others. It's not only tacky, in my opinion, it's disrespectful. It's important to honor your partner in word, thought and deed. Again, if there is a real issue then seek professional help to get advice, not your friends or worse yet, your parents. 

3) Treat them like you would if you were enamored by them.

The key here is whether you feel like it or not, you do it. Love is a decision, so decide to treat them like you are enamored and the feeling will follow your action.


Disclaimer: I would assume you understand that I am not encouraging people to bury their heads in the sand and ignore or look over real issues. No way, no how! Real issues need to be addressed head on, and maybe even with the help of a professional counselor. But from my experience, many of the "issues" couples face are perspective and by making these simple adjustments in your own view of your partner will drastically change your relationship for the better.  

Tuesday, July 29, 2014

Good Grief - One Year Ago Today

(My sister and me in 2011)

One year ago today (on July 29, 2013) my sister Kimberle Rae passed away at 40 years of age. Still weird to say, still weird in so many ways. There is a part of me that feels like she is just away on a trip and I will see her any day now. I know this isn't true, but it feels that way. It's just very weird. I don't know how else to say it, but it's just a weird feeling. It's also weird for me because we were on the "outs" at the time of her passing ... and that really sucks. I definitely try not be on the "outs" with anyone I care about now, it's not worth it.

The deep feelings of sadness are further apart with each passing day, and that is good and I assume the way it is supposed to be. I mean I don't think you necessarily hurt any less as time goes on, you're just able to cope with the feelings of loss better.

I think it's important that we don't die with those who have died. That's not what they would want, and that is definitely no help to all those who remain. Those who live should do just that - LIVE!

There is no doubt, I have been impacted by my sister's "death" (and really I like to say, "her move to Heaven") ... it's given me a different perspective on relationship, our time here, and just that life is fragile, temporary, and very precious! Treat it as such.




Thursday, July 24, 2014

Pastor Timmy's KC Wedding Officiant Team

If you are getting married look below to find 5 of Kansas City's finest Wedding Professionals; The Pastor Timmy team of Wedding Officiants is among the most sought after officiants in Kansas City! 

If you are getting married anywhere within an hour or two of the Kansas City Metro then you have come to the right place. Whether you are looking for a religious (Christian) ceremony, or a not-so-religious ceremony, we can get you covered. Our team of officiates work with all kinds of couples from all kinds of religious backgrounds or lack-of ... we do not discriminate!

CONTACT INFORMATION

(W) 913.390.1200
(M) 913.449.2283
EMAIL: jana@mercychurchkc.com
www.mercychurchkc.com/weddings

MAILING ADDRESS

P.O. Box 8401
Prairie Village, KS 66208


OUR MISSION

to help couples create a beautiful wedding ceremony 
and give them tools to create and a wonderful life together! 
  

Pastor Timmy Gibson
(Founder and Lead Officiant)

Reverend Houston 
(The handsome bearded man on the right)


Reverend Jana Gibson



Reverend Michele



Reverend Chris 

Tuesday, July 22, 2014

5 Roadblocks to Getting a Date

The reality is that there are probably some reasons certain people get dates easily, and others do not. Here are 5 helpful things to consider. Of course this only matters if you WANT to go on dates! Ha ha!

  1. Your style.
To be "fashion conscience" doesn't mean you must look like someone else, or that you should flip through the latest magazine and adopt the latest trend in fashion as yours! No, no no!  Don't be someone you are not, but it's important to have a style. I am sure you are aware, there are a million different "styles" out there, find one or create one.

For example: Might be time to cut the mullet, and donate the Jordache jeans to Good Will and drop those mesh crop tops in the trash … and that's just the guys I'm talking to!

Seriously though, it's important to have some fashion sense, especially if you are single and looking to ever get a date! Consult with someone who knows something about style, and have a make-over of sorts. Just make sure it's a style that is reflective of you and your personality.

  1. Personal Hygiene.
Good grooming techniques are important in getting dates, or at least getting a second date. Trim your nails, brush your teeth, bathe, where cologne (Some people are very sensitive to smells … you want to make sure you produce a pleasant smell not an offensive one), put some deodorant on, etc. And make sure to shave the hair above the nose that connects the eyebrows, etc.

  1. Your Manners, or lack of. (This is a very important one!)
You may have some bad habits you are unaware of; smacking when you eat, picking your nose, interrupting people when they are talking, talking over people, standing too close to people, talking too loud or any annoying traits that you aren't aware of but others are picking up from you.

Maybe “your manners” are a little creepy, like staring weirdly at someone you feel is attractive … yet you say not a word. Creeper alert! Again consult some people and get some helpful feedback.

Ask some of your close friends, they will tell you, hopefully., if not call me (913) 390-1200 and I will consult you.

  1. You're too busy.
You may be the perfect catch for someone, but you are simply too busy. You don't get out there. So no one knows you are available. If your working a ton of hours, and do not have anytime for yourself, then it's going to be a challenge to get dates. Make time to date.

  1. Too Eager.
Eager can be good, but being too eager can be a turn off. No one wants someone who is desperate.

Here is a LINK to the TV interview on Better KC on KCTV 5: VIDEO

Wednesday, July 16, 2014

Where Am I Going?

I ask myself, "Where Am I Going?" a lot these days. I'm not talking about Heaven and Hell here either. I am talking about life in general. I'm sure it's part of being 45 years old I guess - the whole mid-life thing. I think and feel different about a lot of things as I get older. It's weird. Though I do feel that it's a valid question to ask ourselves. Because I think we all have a rough idea of what we'd wish for, or what we would like, or what would be cool. Right?

As I ponder the question what pops up in my head is that it's important to make sure that I do know where I want to go in life and then to make sure I do what would lead me there, and not do what would keep me from there. Make sense? I mean if I want a good life then I ought to limit the bad stuff, right?! I mean, that would only make sense.

Another thought is to *seek the wisdom of those who are where you want to be, or are well on their way to getting there on some level. Evaluate your life, your choices, your friends, your spending habits, etc. Make whatever changes necessary to help you get on your way to wherever it is you want to go.

*This can be done through reading books, and even actually setting up appointments with people. Make sure to have your questions written down before you meet them, and take good notes.

And finally, get moving!