Saturday, November 22, 2014

7 Things Every Marriage Needs



This is the most popular relationship talk that we have given at Mercy Church. It is what we have every couple we marry watch as a way to kick start them developing a wonderful relationship with each other. These are foundational characteristics from which most all the necessary charastics flow.

If you have been married 50 years, or 3 years ... these are worth looking at and making sure they are a part of your relationship! Watch and enjoy, and share with your friends!

Sunday, November 16, 2014

Homeless People Matter - KSHB-TV 41

Thank you KSHB TV-41 for running our story!
Special Thanks to JiaoJiao Shen

Friday, November 14, 2014

Sucks to be Homeless

(Picture taken by Orin Borgelt 2012)

Tomorrow will be my 8th year to spend 24 hours in the shoes of a homeless person on the streets of Kansas City and by far the worst weather forecast I've seen. Today is gorgeous outside, a little cold, but nice, sunny, and dry! Tomorrow the forecast is calling for bitter cold and snow, up to 4 inches! Yay!

You may be wondering; Did I consider canceling after I heard Bryan Busby give the forecast? No way! Okay, maybe for a second. To me this is a great way to really experience how much it sucks to be homeless. So we press on! Like one friend said, "Timmy it will be memorable!"  That's a fact!


THREE THINGS I ASK

1) Say a prayer for those of us living homeless tomorrow.

Mainly pray that we will get from this journey what we need to get and that we'd get a proper perspective on life and how blessed we really are to have what we have.


2) Say a prayer for the homeless in Kansas City and around the world.

This time of year is really tough for homeless, especially those living in colder climates.


3) Give financial support to reputable organizations who help the homeless.

There are many organizations in Kansas City (some listed below) who do a fine job reaching out to the homeless! Google "Help the Homeless (NAME OF YOUR CITY)".


FOLLOW HOMELESS JOURNEY

Twitter: @TimmyKC
facebook: /timmygibson
Instagram: /timmygibsonKC



*Kansas City Rescue Mission  
(816)421-7643
Kansas City, MO 64108

*We have worked a lot with KC Rescue Mission over the years! I personally know they do an outstanding job helping homeless men and women get clean up and back in society.


City Union Mission  
(816)474-9380
Kansas City, MO 64106

reStart Inc.   
(816)472-5664
Kansas City, MO 64106

Hope Faith Ministries  
816-471-4673
Kansas City, MO 64106

Forest Avenue Family Shelter  
816.753.4753
Kansas City, MO 64110

Shalom House    
913-321-2206
Kansas City, KS 66104

Mother's Refuge    
816-353-8070
8.09 miles from city center Kansas City
Independence, MO 64055

Salvation Army
(913) 829-0578
19.25 miles from city center Kansas City
Olathe, KS 66061

Friday, November 7, 2014

What Men Want (1 of 2)

I have counseled hundreds of couples, and worked with hundreds of men over the years and I see a common thread to What Men Want from their partner. Not to mention I am a man and have been one for 45 years now ... I know what I want, and I have found that I am not all that different from the men I have met.

If you want to bring the best out of your man, then keep reading! (And don't you worry, I am working on What Women Want next) These are things that many times your man will not tell you for fear of rejection or ridicule, but I have no fear of that so I shall tell all.


Q: What Do Men Want From The Woman in Their Life?


1) Sexuality. (Please, do read on!)

I don't think women fully understand the depth of sexual pressure a man deals with, just as men don't fully understand the depth of emotional pressure a woman deals with.

      a. Sexual Responsiveness.
Men don't want their partner to give in to their advances out of a feeling of duty or obligation. They want you to respond in a positive way, even if it's a "no" at this time, be kind about it. Here are some things NOT to say in response to his sexual advances:

  • "Please stop touching me you perve!" (Even adding in the word 'please' doesn't help)
  • "Ewww, you are gross."
  • "Really, we just had sex a month ago and you need it again already."
  • "All you think about is sex, you should see a Doctor!"

I know for me, even if it's a "no" right now if I am told that, "later after the kids go to bed would work for intimacy" I am totally cool with that - it gives me something to look forward to. And sometimes the anticipation is exciting. But if it's a "no" with no promise of when, then men go to a dark place and think, 'if it's a no now, it may be a no tomorrow and the day after that, and the day after that ... it's never going to happen again.' I know, crazy, but this is where men go in their heads.



    b. Want Him. 
Men want to be wanted just like women; we want to be desired. I realize that what I am saying here isn't true for all relationships, I am speaking in general terms. I have heard of relationships where the woman is the one always wanting sex and the man is slacking. But in my practice this is not the normal. In most relationships the only time there is sex is when the man initiates. This is very sad.

Women say, "well he wants it more than me and I have no time to initiate, when I think of it, he already has initiated." This is an easy fix, get a head start on him with a note in his briefcase, or in his car about what you will do to him when he gets home. Here is the thing, this doesn't need to be something you feel like doing, you just do it. You can initiate sex even if you don't feel like it.

Men want to feel like you think he is handsome. I know in my marriage my wife does not make noises and sexy comments every time there is a movie trailer with Brad Pitt in it. And this is nothing I have ever asked her to not do. I am fairly secure in myself. But in all reality, duh, of course Brad Pitt is handsome, even straight guys want to marry him. My wife may say, "he is a cool dude" or something to that effect, but she actually compliments me like I was some hot famous movie star. I give her the same respect.

I have been around women (married women) and have heard them say stuff in the presence of their husband about other men, like a Brad Pitt, that I could not even believe. I even heard one wife say, "I'd leave you for him!" she then laughed like it was a joke. It wasn't funny. Some jokes are funny, until they aren't.


    c. Have Fun.
Men want to have fun in the bedroom. This doesn't mean that every single time needs to be a circus. But men are visual, so stimulate him visually - wear lingerie, outfits, etc. Light candles, have music playing, set the mood. (Guys you can help do this too! This isn't only the woman's job!)

Baseball games are won by base hits, not home runs usually. But a home run ever so many at bats sure is exhilarating. My rule of thumb is every month or so, do something really special. For example, lots of foreplay, or massages, stimulate in others ways beside just straight love making (I pray you know what I am trying to say without saying it here.)

To Be Continued ...



Don't worry ladies, men actually do want a few other things other than sex, but sex is a HUGE part of the makeup of a man. And many men wish they weren't wired so sexually, but we are. To me if there is a man in your life that you love, why wouldn't you want to do everything in your power to make him feel loved, respected, cared for and fulfilled sexually? I mean that only makes sense, right!


Disclaimer: I am speaking to people in a committed relationship (Marriage). I also realize that the stuff I am saying only really works if the man in your life is a pretty wonderful guy who is attentive to you and your needs. It's hard to give to someone who is a total jerk. I am sorry if that is the kind of marriage you are in! That stinks!

Thursday, October 16, 2014

Are Opposite-Sex Friends Okay When Married?

This has been a discussion I have had with many couples over the years and have discussed at length with my wife of 20+ years!

Can you have opposite-sex friendships when you are married?

My thoughts have definitely evolved over the years. Early on, when I was more insecure and immature, I felt that it wasn't appropriate for married people to be friends with those of the opposite sex, ever. But now, after nearly 21 years of marriage, and some maturity (emphasis on the word some) I feel a bit different.

It's not so much about the friendship as it is about your personal character and how you handle the friendship, and who you are friends with. I used to throw the baby out with the bathwater and say, "no way can you have any friends of the opposite-sex when you are married ... you will end up having an affair with them!" But that is the same as what some of my religious non-drinker friends say about alcohol, they say that, "if you drink it leads to drunkenness, lewd behaviors and orgies." (That's actually a quote! I know, ridiculous.)


My Rules That Should Govern Opposite- Sex Friendships


1) The friend should preferable be a friend of both.

This just means that to have a friend that is only your friend could be challenging. Because when they are a friend of both, they will have a respect, hopefully, for the marriage not just the individual. Make sense? There are always exceptions to rules of course, so don't get too hung up on the rule.

2) No secrets.

It should be a totally open friendship. No hiding anything about the friendship from your partner. If you are hiding the friendship, that is a warning sign for sure. There shouldn't be anything to hide ... especially if it's all above board.

3) No confiding.

I have a couple female friends, one in particular I am extremely close with and have been friends with for nearly 12 years and I have never "confided" in her. I haven't told her anything I haven't already talked about with my wife.

4) Never talk bad about your spouse with them.

My rule on this one applies to same-sex friends too. I know it's a bit extreme, but I do not find there to be any benefit in spouse bashing. So I just don't do it. If I have issues with my wife I talk to her about it, or a counselor who will give me sound wisdom. I believe this rule to be extremely valuable to the marriage if followed.

5) Limit Alcohol use when with your friend.

Alcohol, the great elixir. It removes inhibitions as well as morality, in my experience. In other words, if you aren't all that attracted to this friend, you will be after a couple glasses of wine, so be careful. Let's just be honest here, many of the stories that start with, "Well I had a few beers then ..." and they proceed to tell the "bad" story.

6) The character of your friend. 

The character of the friend you have makes all the difference in the world. If he/she is a person of character with a strong moral compass it will surely work. Because even if they were attracted to you they wouldn't cross lines because of their strong character. Of course you should have strong character too, so even if they want to cross lines you don't.

7) Listen to your spouse.

If my wife says, "No!" to the friendship, then it's a no. Period. If you don't like that, then I would advise you to never get married. It's not for you. Part of what makes marriage work is submitting one to another.

A spouse is not only a companion, but also your protector (in a healthy relationship) and they help keep you safe and protected from others and even from yourself.


CLOSING THOUGHTS

I unfortunately missed out on many opportunities for valuable rich freindships with women because of my religious fear-based upbringing. "Don't even look at another woman, and definitely don't talk to them, and for damn sure don't ever be around one without your spouse present!" Oddly enough many of those same people who spouted that fear-based teaching ended up having affairs, being addicted to porn, and living a lie. Living that way obviously doesn't keep people from having affairs.

The reality is anyone can have an affair, the question is would that be beneficial to those closest to you? Is it what God wants, I mean really? You know the answer. No! No!

Please post your thoughts, questions, disagreements and opinions!


  

Tuesday, October 7, 2014

Pop Up Weddings KC


If you are looking to have an outdoor hassle-free inexpensive cool wedding, this is the one for you! Check them out online today! It's the most unique and coolest things I've seen in Kansas City!


Saturday, September 27, 2014

My Favorite Romantic Movies


1) Serendipity
2) Just Like Heaven
3) The Notebook
4) P.S. I Love You
5) Beauty and the Beast
6) Sabrina (The newer one)
7) How to Loose a Guy in Ten Days
8) My Big Fat Greek Wedding
9) Hitch
10) Shallow Hal

Here are a few more of my favorites ... it's hard to only pick ten, plus TOP TEN sounds better then TOP TWENTY SIX!

11) Enchanted
12) The Holiday
13) You’ve Got Mail
14) While You Were Sleeping
15) Failure to Launch
16) Sleepless in Seattle
17) French Kiss
18) The English Patient
19) Princess Bride
20) A Walk to Remember
21) Never Been Kissed
22) If Only
23) She’s All That
24) The Prince and Me
25) Bridget Jone’s Diary
26) Say Anything
27) Safe Haven
28) Dear John
29) The Vow